Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT) has been presented as an antidote to the divisiveness we face on a daily basis. Whether the dissonance is of polar opposite political views, or a struggle over the best route to a common goal, RCT can help create and nurture the relationships necessary to move forward. This post is part one in a series.
Because RCT pushes against a model of competition and independence, it can be misunderstood as “just being nice,” or even respectability politics, involving putting our true selves aside in order to fit societal expectations. This interpretation is to miss the revolutionary and healing nature of relationships. Judith V. Jordan, one of the founding scholars of RCT, explains:
RCT work is not about changing people to fit into dysfunctional cultural conditions, but empowering them to heal in connection, and in turn, to heal others in connection. A part of growth in connection often spills into participating in social change, through creating alliances or communities that are built around relational values. –Judith V. Jordan
How do we put these relational values to work in the real world though? How do we bridge differences using RCT? We listen. We listen each other into connection; into change; into healing.
Abandon hope, all ye who enter.
Google defines hope as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Other sources have similar definitions– it’s about desiring a specific outcome. Step one is to let that go. Drop your preconceived notions regarding solutions, blame, rightness, and wrongness, and adopt an attitude of compassionate curiosity.
Maureen Walker writes that through RCT, “we are challenged to continually interrogate our notions of self and other.” Who is this person? What is it like to be that person? What underlies the difference between us? Note that Walker doesn’t just ask us to wonder about the other person, but also to wonder about ourselves. What relational templates are at work here? What fears come up when I consider the other point of view? Who do I think I am?
This letting go can be the biggest challenge in applying RCT because it leaves us groundless. Without our certainty, without our righteousness, we risk everything. We risk our relationships, we risk our comfort, we risk our sense of belonging. But without that first step we remain locked in our separation, hurling solutions, theories and blame across the divide.
We’ll be thinking about RCT conversations like these, together, August 10-12, along with Maureen Walker. Join us! For more information, send us a message with the contact form below. If you’re interested in sponsoring our work, check out our thank-yous!
