Relational Cultural Theory is a paradigm shift. Some pieces require pondering and discussion before they really click. The most basic piece of it though, is that we grow through and towards relationship, our culture creates barriers, and that we are nurtured and healed through a specific kind of relationships: Mutually Growth Fostering Relationships (GFR).
A GFR comprises the Five Good Things. Coined by Jean Baker Miller in her transformational book, Toward a New Psychology of Women, the Five Good Things are qualities of a relationship that creates fulfillment, growth, and safety, and counter inauthenticity and inequity. They include:
1. Zest
Zest is that sense of vitality and energy that comes from being fully seen and loved, safe to explore new ways of being. Zest is more than just energy, it’s a delicious sense of possibility.
2. Productivity/Creativity
Productivity. Together, we can get it done. A Growth-Fostering Relationship enables you to take action, both together and apart. In the context of this connection, you may be able to think of solutions otherwise unavailable to you, feeling bolstered by mutuality.
3. Sense of Worth
A GFR increases your self-worth. When you’re in a relationship with someone who can see and reflect the light in you, it becomes easier for you to see your own light, and shine brighter.
4. Clarity
Mutual Authenticity in a relationship promotes increased clarity both about yourself and the other person in the relationship. The courage involved in being vulnerable with your GFR allows you to dig deeper into your own meaning as well as meaning in the context of connection.
5. Desire for more connection/relationship
With this increased clarity, sense of worth, zest, and creativity, you’re ready for more. This GFR has helped you become capable of more complex relationships external to this one, as well as going deeper in this relationship.
