There are layers to the difficulties parents face during this pandemic. There’s practical– how to manage a child’s education while working from home, how to provide childcare if your work is still keeping you out in the world, how to feed a family while minimizing grocery trips, how to stretch not enough money over extra weeks, how to keep every surface disinfected, how to keep a child from picking their nose– all of these tasks are herculean on their own. Combining them calls for superpowers, or at least, naps.
Starting off with the understanding that these are unprecedented times for the modern parent, and we are all carrying a boatload of stress. This isn’t the time to implement your dream of recreating Little House on the Prairie, unless that comes easily to you and helps all of you feel better. Reassess frequently, and if what you’re doing is creating more power struggles, don’t be afraid to toss it and start over. A list doesn’t exist that could really make things easier, but here are some things that might ease the burden, at least a little bit.
- Let go out loud. While there’s something to going through the motions of making your bed and dressing for work (at least from the waist up) it can also be fun for the kids to take advantage of the school hiatus. Enjoy pajama day(s)– and celebrate out loud about it, to make it extra special.
- Say yes. When your child brings that one game over to the table, consider just saying yes. There is so much going on that is out of your child’s control, offer this one way for them to manage the space around them.
- Trust yourself. None of us know what we are doing. Seriously. Anyone who seems to know is just acting. Epidemiologists know about the spread of disease, but not necessarily how to help kids cope with it. Therapists might have some idea how to help kids cope but haven’t been in a situation this uncertain and drawn-out before. Everyone is making their best guesses, and no one knows your family like you do.
- Take a break. You are in your home, not interacting with the outside world. Ask yourself in knowing the most current news would change how you behave today, and plan accordingly. Most likely, there’s no need to constantly track the number of Covid-19 cases (a-hem, Amy) or keep the news playing nonstop in the background. Pick one time a day that you will consume news, and stick with it.
- Lean on your friends. Just because you can’t be together physically, or, exactly because you can’t be together physically, it’s essential to find other ways to connect. Create a group text with other parents where it’s safe to freak out. Take a zoom coffee break with friends. Connecting with your people is essential work during times like these. Don’t brush it off in favor of doing something “more important,” because there aren’t many more important things.
- Stretch your focus: while sheltering in place, it’s easy to narrow your focus to just your family. It’s natural, during stressful times, to want to watch out for your dearest people. It can wind up making you feel more alone. Find some ways to help out locally– it can be as simple as venmoing a service provider whose services you won’t be using until the pandemic has calmed, or finding a local mutual aid list and pitching in wherever you can, and let your kids help. Feeling connected helps your immune system!
- Invite learning. Take a cue from unschoolers. Forcing kids to learn doesn’t work in the easiest of times, it definitely won’t work under this much stress. Allow your kids time to de-stress, and consider strewing as an alternative to rigid scheduling. Whatever you decide, if it’s stressing you out to implement it, you may be on the wrong track.