Even when you’re anxious yourself
Covid-19 has created an anxiety stew that even the most relaxed parents can’t avoid. When kids catch on to the fear it becomes an even bigger struggle to keep your family in healthy connection. Here are some tips for helping the entire family work through anxiety.
- Bottoms-up! No, this doesn’t mean drink more. It means use calming activities for both you and your kids that involve a bottom-up approach. A bottom-up approach uses your body to create calm rather than trying to reason your way to calm (top-down). Here are some activities that can help anxious people (kids or adults) feel less out-of-control.
- Wheelbarrow walking– hold your child’s feet while they use their hands to walk around the room
- Jumping– set up hopscotch or an obstacle course that involves big jumps
- Regular movement– incorporate moving around at least once an hour– it can be just playing your favorite song and dancing together
- Extended movement– once a day go for a long walk or do a dance class together– anything that keeps you moving for around 30 minutes.
- Belly breathing– Deep breathing helps “reset” an anxious nervous system.
- Live in the now. We are surrounded by dire predictions. One thing you do know, is what’s happening right this moment. A mantra of “right now I am okay,” or “right now we are safe,” may be all you really can, and all you really need to know.
- Be real. Kids have a knack for knowing when you’re putting on a show. If you’re anxious, it’s okay to let your kids know, as long as you are also letting them know what steps you are taking to manage your anxiety. “I’m feeling really worried right now, so I’m taking some deep breaths and reminding myself that right now, we are okay,” or “this is a really difficult time, and I’m glad to know that we are doing everything we can to stay safe.”
- Be kind. Not just to your kids, to yourself. For a bottom-up act of kindness, place your hand on your heart while you take a slow, deep breath. Offer yourself extra love and patience. What you’re doing is really effing hard, and you deserve more hugs than you’re likely getting right now.
- Stop, drop, and be. When things feel overwhelming, when it’s impossible to know what to do next, just stop. If you’ve got a younger child, get down on the floor with them. If you’ve got an older child, plop down next to them and make space for connection. It’s possible your kids associate a to-do list with your presence, so let them know you aren’t sitting next to them with something for them to do, you’re just going to enjoy their company for a bit.
- Share power. We are all feeling extra helpless in the face of this pandemic. Kids experience this too. Find ways to give them some power/control, whether it’s choosing what to fix for lunch, creating new “rules” for an old game, or managing their own school work, give them as much power as you’re able.
- Limit Decisions. Sometimes kids feel like they are responsible for more than they can hold. When this happens (you are trying to allow more choices, and your child is deteriorating) try limiting choices. Be careful not to resort to this as a way to punish or threaten (“honey, you can choose to do this, or you can choose time out” isn’t helping anyone). An example could be, “I’m feeling cooped up, and I know I will feel better after going for a walk. Let’s get our shoes on and head out. You can choose which way we walk, up the hill or down the road.” Another example could be turning screens off at certain times of day. (Parents turn yours off too!)
No matter how adept you are at managing anxiety, Covid-19 is leveling up. Remind yourself that this is new, that we are all doing the best we can, and that we are in this together. You’re not alone. If you need extra support, you can use the contact form below.