Countering Fear-Based Narratives with Relational Wisdom
Fear is a powerful motivator. It fuels defensiveness, reinforces hierarchies, and creates division with ease. In a rapidly changing world, fear-based narratives like those promoted by figures such as Jordan Peterson, can seem appealing. These narratives often offer a sense of order and certainty by framing hierarchies and power imbalances as natural and necessary. But this approach to human connection and growth is fundamentally limiting.
Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT) offers a different path— one rooted in connection and power-with. Instead of using fear to manipulate, RCT invites us to meet fear with curiosity, connection, and a commitment to shared mutual growth. By reframing fear-based narratives, we can create spaces for healing, equity, and collective thriving.
Understanding Fear-Based Neuroscience
Understanding why we fall for fear-based narratives is the first step in dismantling them. Why are they appealing?
- They provide simple answers in a complex and uncertain world: When we feel overwhelmed with uncertainty, the idea of a set “natural order” can feel reassuring. It offers clear structure, even if inequitable.
- They exploit our natural need for belonging. Fear-based narratives often frame “others” as threats, reinforcing group loyalty. Maureen Walker addresses both our need for belonging and our sense of “not me” underneath these narratives in her book, When Getting Along is not Enough. Go on! Go read it!
- They offer “stability” through power imbalances. Hierarchical thinking appeals to those who feel destabilized by change. It suggests that maintaining power-over is the key to safety. We all want to be safe!
The RCT Alternative: Relational Wisdom
Relational-Cultural Theory challenges fear-based frameworks by emphasizing connection and mutuality over hierarchy and control. Neuroscience supports this approach by showing how relational safety and mutual support activate neural pathways that promote trust and reduce stress (Cozolino 2014).
- Mutuality as a source of strength: In fear-based models, power is finite and must be protected. RCT reframes power as relational —power-with— that grows through mutual empowerment. Mutuality benefits everyone involved.
- Relational Curiosity instead of defensiveness: When fear arises, defensiveness frequently follows. RCT invites us to meet fear with curiosity, asking questions like: What is this fear protecting? What relational wounds might it reflect? This approach fosters understanding and opens the door to healing.
- Belonging through connection, not exclusion: When Maureen Walker talks about the importance of belonging, she also notes the difference between belonging resulting from a deep sense of connection, and belonging springing from a sense of not being “the other.” Is your sense of belonging rooted in who isn’t included? Is there room for growth-fostering conflict in your connections?
Practical Strategies for Reframing Fear
- Create spaces of emotional safety: People need to feel safe in order to question fear-based beliefs. Fostering environments where vulnerability is not only welcome but celebrated and encouraged creates opportunities for relational healing (and learning!)
- Engage in Relational Listening: Listening with empathy and curiosity helps us uncover fears that lock in resistance to change. An attitude of reaching for understanding, rather than “winning” the conversation builds trust and allows for movement.
- Model Relational Power: Demonstrate how mutuality and collaboration create better long-term outcomes than hierarchy and competition.
- Address Systemic Barriers: Fear-based narratives often exploit systemic inequities. Advocating for equity and justice dismantles the conditions that make these narratives appealing.
Food for Thought:
Countering fear-based narratives requires more than dismantling their logic; it requires offering a better alternative. Relational-Cultural Theory provides that alternative by inviting us to meet fear with relational wisdom. By fostering mutuality, curiosity, and inclusion, we can transform fear into a catalyst for growth and connection. In doing so, we create a world where strength comes not from control, but from our ability to grow together.
Let’s ask ourselves:
- How can we respond to fear in a way that fosters connection rather than defensiveness?
- What relational wounds do we carry that drive resistance to mutuality and equity?
- How do we model relational power-with?
